Why you need to love yourself first

I know we are all probably familiar with the phrase “You complete me” or that those in relationships have found their “other-half.” Well, I, like many others probably, have a little problem with these phrases.

They imply that you weren’t whole until you found your partner. They imply that something about you was missing or there was a void that needed to be filled with this other person.

Today, I want to emphasize that your whole self is worthy of love and is complete without any other.

Now, I say this because something I think we (women) can often get wrong is that we aren’t fully loved until we are with that person. That we aren’t “complete” until we find them.

I know I’ve quoted this song probably somewhere in another blog before, but one of my favorite lines from a Head And The Heart song says,

Until you learn to love yourself, the door is locked to someone else.

See You Through My Eyes by The Head and the Heart

No matter how much someone else loves you, it will never be enough unless you also love yourself.

Dr. Juliana Breines on Psychology Today says it this way, Further, those who question their own self-worth are more likely to anxiously expect rejection and vigilantly monitor their partners’ behavior for signs of it, at times mistakenly interpreting benign acts as hostile and rejecting. This means that in those moments when your partner does something and you mistake it as them rejecting you or being mean / rude…they probably weren’t intentionally doing anything but rather our own low self-esteem twists their actions into something that it wasn’t.

It’s not so much about having an inflated view of self, either, it’s all about acceptance, self-compassion, and love. You have to love yourself and believe that you are worthy of respectful companionship and unconditional love. If you do not believe you deserve it, then the relationships you engage in moving forward will only result in negative outcomes for you. Why? Because that is already what you believe about yourself! Self-fulfilling prophecy my friends.

You are loved and deserving of the most beautiful love. Love yourself first so you can step into a relationship with full confidence, so you can receive love from a healthy place.

Flip the script, my friend. Make sure you believe you are worthy of love. Make sure you show yourself self-compassion if / when you slip up. Make sure you are speaking kindly to yourself. Some mantras I love are:

  • I love myself exactly as I am.
  • Even in my imperfections, I am worthy of love and belonging.
  • I will replace feelings of guilt with words of grace.
  • I am beautiful inside and out.
  • I am worthy of meaningful love and relationships.
  • I am created by Love and created for love.

Try some of these out today. See how they help you feel. Know and believe in your bones that you are enough and you are more than deserving of love.

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