INCONVENIENT FEELS.

Y’all, I have been experiencing some inconvenient feels this week. You know, the type of “meh, I’m not feeling like myself but also don’t feel bad but also just feel kind of frustrated and weird” feelings? The ones that come up when there is nothing to distract you from worrying about something so you make up stuff in your head to worry about along the way? Those feelings that are just dang inconvenient and make you anxious for no good reason. Ya, been having those. And, honestly, a lot of my friends I’ve talked to this week have been feeling this way, too, so we are not alone in this y’all.

I have these inconvenient feels and I just want them to go away. It seems like there is so much on my mind and yet nothing at all to really stress about at the same time. I’m sitting, today, in eager anticipation of the next stuff instead of the right here stuff that’s now. I can feel it all making me anxious – my head is in the future and I am not grateful for the messy middle…the transition…the now. 

I feel like I want to take time to process everything that’s going on and make meaning out of it, but I also feel like I don’t have any time to do so, that it’s just slipping away as I keep myself busy with things I don’t need to be busy with. There is a lot of impending change happening in my life right now, so these days it feels like a balancing act of worry over the future, with an anxious need to hurry through the present.

Let yourself sit in silence and feel the feelings. Let your body slow down and rest. Let yourself have moments in the day where you don’t know what to do. It’s okay. 

^^^That’s what I feel like God is speaking to me these days.

I find myself in a season slower than usual, and it’s tough. As someone who is addicted to busyness and social media and wants to always be doing all the things all the time, having afternoons of quiet stillness can stress me out. Might sound weird – but having nothing to do and having time to rest legit stresses me out because I feel like I’m not being “productive” or “using my day to the fullest.”

This post from The Nap Ministry speaks into exactly how I’ve been feeling regarding my guilt associated with slowness & rest,

You must be spiritually and physically exhausted from the guilt and shame you have attached to rest. Release it now. You can take a nap. You are enough.

This idea of being enough always allows me to breathe easy. Knowing that I don’t have to look or be or perform a certain way in order to be worthy of love. Knowing that I can be (and should be) grateful for the gifts of time and rest I am receiving in this season and not rushing to fill it just for the sake of filling it.

For me, it has to become less about filling up my day with busyness, and more about exhaling and breathing into the still spaces. 

This is hard for me, and it also may be hard for you, but it’s something I’m finding really important to encourage myself to sink into more each day. So today, give yourself permission to rest and go slow. Your body, mind, and soul will thank you for it later. I’m learning a lot about stillness right now, and ultimately, I’m learning it’s a really good thing.

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